I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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