Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
