Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I met the friendliest cop last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
