You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
