CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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