When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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