Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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