Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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