things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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