I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
