I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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