your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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