so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
