Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
