Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
vagina is talking i cant
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize