I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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