More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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