Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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