We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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