I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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