were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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