Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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