Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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