how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
