That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
