I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
