i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
