It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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