I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
