hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
