Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
