I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
