I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
