Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
