now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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