I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
