i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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