This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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