I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
