I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
