Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
