I want to have your abortion
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
