Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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