watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
