Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
