Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
