Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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