Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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