I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
id be glad to
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
