The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
