at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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