so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
