when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.