turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
