I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My bed smells like the plague
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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