4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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