i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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