I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
