I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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