i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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