I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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