What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
