If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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